As I finish the school year, I look back at how far I've come over these past two years.  I have developed a lot, mostly in progression of being able to put my skills to use, and showing my knowledge of the GLOS and benchmarks in my work.  I feel that I have shown and proven my use of the six GLOS in my evidence and portfolio, and have learned much in the fields of integrated technology through Biology, History, Physics, English 1 & 2, and Hawaiian History.  What can I say?  Even though the path was tough and challenging, it was worth it, and overall, fun.
Farewell, Menemac Core.  It's been fun.
- Z

Website Portfolio:
http://www.wix.com/thatzachary117/thatzachary117

1. What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?   Project Icarus Journal #3 - It gave an insight into your mind that I never knew existed.  You are a very quiet person who I rarely see expressing yourself - I was very impressed with your style of writing and deep thinking.  It shows that you have passion and when you find the things that turn you on, you are able to throw in a lot of your energies into pursuing your passions.
2. What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?  I loved the creative writing; the deep thinking that went into expressing yourself; your style of presentation - the art was very impressive.  I loved the way that you were able to demonstrate the GLOS objectives; how you met them; and be able to demonstrate to me in a visual way, what you have learned and how you are able to apply it in your schooling.  The only thing that I would like you to work on is to be able to support and give stronger evidence on why you take a certain position on argument/position papers.
3. Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me? It was great to see how you are able to communicate your ideas (ideas), using descriptive words (word choice) to enhance your writings.  
4. Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?  I would like to see you work a little more on your organization of ideas..you have great ideas but it would be nice to organize it a little better to give a clearer overall picture of what you are trying to communicate.

This, I believe (Draft)

 Zachary Chock

I had begun going to school on the Kahala side of the island, from Wilson Elementary school, to Niu Valley Intermediate.  After changing my attitude about school from my C-grades and trying harder, I was expecting this school life to be easy, nice, and outgoing, I was wrong.  Although it was a high ranked school, the problem was not with the educational standards, but more with the student body themselves. 

            There were many attending the Middle school, but even with Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics, and Asians, there were no racial problems or discrimination.  The teens looked nice on the outside, but really, they were defensive and offensive on the inside.  I was a humble, patient pre teen, but as I walked on campus, there always seemed to be kids giving me stares and treating me differently than they would to others.  They would not relent in pushing me around, or talking down about me to my face. 

            There were these school kids, a few misbehaving boys who did not score popular among the class.  They treated people with disrespect, regardless of who they were.  Despite this, they liked to target me for some reason, which I did not concur until later in the final year.  One of them liked to pick on me especially, and I was unsure of the motivation behind these attacks, which annoyed me to the bone.  He was in my class, and decided to take some of my things, proceeding to rub them inside his rear end, through his pants.  I only escalated the situations, as to the students who had come with me from Elementary had a bone to pick with me, since I was known for being the only tattletale on campus both in Elementary and in this new region.  The few who had liked to especially pick on me were dealing with a new threat, since I was going around to teachers every time, asking for help to stand against the bullies. 

            During my 9 years of school on the Kahala side, much of the behaviors of the Caucasian children and teachers had rubbed off on me, and I became similar to a Mainlander, as my father described it sometimes – serious, literal, rushing to get to work.  Thinking about this, I questioned if the kids who picked on me did what they did because I acted differently and not “Local” to everyone who expected it.  I assumed that I was outcast because I was so kind, or so polite.  The students would not have any sympathy for me, except for a few friends, who I barely had throughout my three years at the school.  The few boys did not stop at me.  They went to pick on the special education students as well as the ones who had a mind that was easily broken.

            When I finally left the school in May of 2010 and ventured to Moanalua High School, I hoped there would be no one who bothered me like those kids.  Unfortunately, there was this male, BC, who liked to pick on me because I revealed that I did not do any sports/judo, and that I had hardly any friends due to being a gamer.  He purposely bumped into me at every chance I got, mocked me, yelled at me at any point when he felt like it if a teacher was not around, and even tried to break my video camera and the Mac keyboard I had signed out during our work of KC3 in the library.  It seems that I was expecting too much.

I had changed my ways when I had a project that almost jumped me with the deadline, but I had not kept from telling on other people if they did something to me.  I stopped that when I reached High school, and I am glad I did, since BC would have become like the others who I had dealt with earlier.  I think if you have an issue with someone on your hands who pushes you around and disrespects you, treating you like dirt, you should ask for help, no matter what others think of you – you are only doing the right thing, and keeping yourself from further insult.  This, I believe.

Project Icarus Journal #4

With Art being back in my time as well as a part of my favorite things to do, I decided that, using my new skill, I will be making a tutorial on how to draw Manga and Anime, as well as a short comparison of American and Japanese comics and art styles, with a short breakdown on it.  I would do a powerpoint of construction, materials, process, and finally, electronic publishing, for the beginner, like me.  I thought of this as a way to open a new art style up to my viewers, as well as show them what they can explore in digital and traditional art using a pen and paper, or a tablet and computer.

Project Icarus Journal #3

            Upon entering Art 1, and being back in the art field after about three years without an art class, I was somewhat decent at drawing and constructing a human form or sketching, but I had lost some of my former touch.  Soon after the Sophomore year began, I began to watch animation and drawing guides on Youtube, as well as view art on an Art Community sharing website called DeviantArt.

            Getting back to drawing was akin to getting used to an entirely new and different style of doing something, as I had not touched upon realism or artistic skill for a while.  The idea of returning to drawing was built around my favorite hobby to sketch and use my father’s printing paper to practice my skill of drawing planets, space scenes, ships, and surrealistic images.  Although everyone was impressed by my work, I strove to do better than the last picture in detail and style, improvising as I went about drafting and redoing works.  I turned to books to fuel my imagination of images in which I could base upon and create, but soon I turned to scenery.

            As I went along, I had looked at Manga, comics Japanese in origin, as well as Anime, which is animation from Japan, with high interest.  The style and originality was so unique, so different, and extremely expressive, in stark contrast to what we westerners had developed over here, in our media.  Never before did I actually attempt to draw these amazing strips of art, because I had assumed I could not do it – even drawing American comics were a challenge to me, as I was accustomed to drawing photorealistic “Goth” sketches – detailed pictures made of short lines that gave definition to the piece.

            Alongside Project Icarus, the Physics Comic was assigned, giving us the challenge of constructing a comic strip that addressed an audience and worked like the Sunday Funnies in the newspaper.  From that point, I added a new style of art to my skill: Anime and Manga – where I had only been observant of the arts, I had called upon it to myself to try something different, as our options were to rip from the internet characters to use, or to create them from scratch.  Inspired by an Anime series I had watched, the Melancholy of Haurhi Suzumiya, and many others, I began to seek books on how to draw Manga, as well as actual manga screenshots and fanmade art from DeviantArt, so that I could begin to try out this new technique of illustrating and creating my drawings.                Soon, I was carried away by the fire of passion that drew me (pun intended) closer to becoming a Mangaka: an artist who draws Manga, as well as people who draw Manga-styled works.  Even when the comic was finished, I spent free time in class doodling out characters, or practicing difficult aesthetics of a Manga character such as the hair, eyes, or body frame overall.  I also began to use my previous “Goth” style, combined with my realism and Manga style to make and conceive out of my mind, characters, art pieces, digital paintings, and even landscapes, that I was unable to blueprint before.  I had a DeviantArt account from a year earlier, that I had only used for prototype digital artwork and paintings, but now, with my comic and some other work from this brief period of drawing, I colored it and uploaded it onto the web.  Soon, I may even make videos and tutorials for my artwork, and post it in the near future.  I have a newfound passion for a work that I used to do, and now, it is resurfacing and reconstructing itself in my hobbies faster than it had when I had first begun.

Icarus Journal # 2

            As I looked at the books of Manga creation from libraries, computers, and artists on DeviantArt, I began to have a larger understanding on how to build and create my comics/characters based off of it.  With the sources wealthy of information, I begun to practice some techniques with the skill and drawings put into my physics comic.

            Trying out to do manga is hard, due to the amount of effort put into each frame, or character piece.  The challenge is tough, having to create a near-human form, rather than the traditional westerner cartoon style that can easily be made faster.  According to my books, the process involved drafting, inking, and eventual tracing/line definition, to prepare for scanning and coloring.  After scanning, the artist would use programs like Photoshop, or Manga Studio, to color and define the picture before adding text bubbles.             

            The entire process is difficult, which involves a lot of time on the clock, to perfect and practice the drawing skill to create sharp, smooth, or defined edges for the actual line art.  After this, publishing can be done, with funds, or links to publishing companies, to format and print the final product for production.

- Z

Sources - 

Manga Studio (Website)

DeviantArt

Mangaka America (Book)

Journal # 1 -
Passion:
-My passion would be photoshop - manga - to do art in hand (I've never done manga before), and, perhaps to use my favorite program, Photoshop to compliment it.
Resources:
-Photoshop, actual anime and manga, to base it off of the style, and to color it in photoshop, giving it in an authentic feel and look to the style/work.  Use of Photoshop will be to retrace/convert image to black/white for viewing, and coloring/effects rendering.
Paper, for sketching, as well as possible use of a Drawing tablet.
What questions will I ask?
- How long does it usually take to produce a professional image/drawing?
- What do the professionals use? (Programs/studio(s))
How will I take action?
- I can try harder and harder to create a drawing that will look like the real thing, and as I go, I will try out different and new approaches and techniques to creating my piece, and possibly, upload it to the internet (Deviantart).

Moral Grey Scale

Moral Grey Scale

     Honestly, as I look back at life, I realize that I have inflicted many negative actions and psychological pain against others as well as myself.  As I grew, I was very over-reactant and angry toward everyone and everything, even though I was still a good person for some of the time, which contrasted with my angry reputation.  I had thoughts of hurting others when they picked on me, since that was a lot, or whenever someone made fun of me because I was shy due to my Autism.  At these points in my early life, I was in the Black side, close to the Grey side, but leaning close to the outer Black areas.
     As I grew, I realized what I had done, and I began to make attempts to repair loose ends, broken friendships, and patch things up with my family.  I have NOT had/done any sexual contact of any kind - (still a Virgin), drank alcohol, done drugs, marijuana, smoking, or 'weed' of any kind/deal drugs/juvenile actions, or have maliciously harmed someone to cripple them impermanently - As my morals are Christian as well, being born again at Five, I was raised in a good household, but my ideals and morals were not very well formed toward how I should have treated others and as I look back on it, I truly regret many of my actions that have given me the image of a person who likes to be mean, or cause trouble and harm to others.  As we all make mistakes, I wish that I had only picked up sooner.  Since my crossing into the White side, I have striven to change my morale, and shift my attitude to a happier, mature, and much nicer one than I was before.  I have finally cast the shell of immaturity, and I must maintain a well mind, for the sake of those around me, and Myself.
- Z

Protest Math!

  Come next monday, where we will be rallying a protest in Mene square!  We will be protesting against the Math department for their deficiency in the field of math education.  This is to show the teachers that we need help, not to go over checking homework to make time for textbook work!  We need to boost our skill, as most of us are earning a Proficiency in the math grade, and only a disappointing 38% earn an Exeeds Standard rating.

Come next Monday!

Bring:
Posterboard
Markers
Enthusiasm
Pride!

See you there.

HG graphic

Yeah, I know it looks bad.

Oprah Winfrey and Elie Wiesel Documentary

The details regarding the Holocaust that became clearer for me was the section regarding the torture and mass killing of the Jewish race, with descriptions and reasons for why Hitler wanted only the Germans with blond hair and blue eyes, dubbed the "Master Race", which he selected to rule with him.  Interviewing Elie was a clearer insight for me, as he was able to describe in detail about the camps, and further discuss what he experienced in there.  The camera angles focused primarily on the sections of the camps that would make one feel the force of what happened in the camps, and focused on areas with many casualties, to highlight what really happened to all of the Jews during testing.  The use of graphics was mainly with pictures and 16mm footage of the labor camps, which showed the innocent and civillians lining up to be experimented on, and aerial views of the buildings that they suffered in.  In his interviews, the lines did not differ much from the excerpts from the book, although, when he was asked about the camps, his descriptions were a lot deeper and more understandable than the writing in the book.

Final Allusion Poster+Reflection

Overall, I honestly had an easier time with this one than of my other poem projects from earlier.  The Allusion was difficult to put into my own words though, as I had a little trouble picking a character that best suited me, and also alluded to myself.  Thinking of a picture to create was easier than making the video in freshman year, as I was only required to put the poem into picture format.  Overall, I would say that this project was a little mind challenging, and tugged at our practice and skill of relating allusions.

3/4 - SA

Poem Draft #1

Tortoise

I am slow,
steady,
and wise.
I try to make the best decision,
Take my time in choosing options,
And will not rush in a situation.

I try my best,
I keep on going, keeping my eyes open for the road ahead,
and go at a modest pace to check my progress.
I am not always too fast to make a decision,
seeing the different paths that will take me to the finish line quickly and surely.

I am a tortoise,
Making my way to the finish line,
Taking no breaks, and watching my time.
If I rush, I will take the wrong path and end up careless.
Slow and steady,
Wins the race.

(The Tortoise and the Hare)

Parent Confrence

Questions for parents:

1.                  What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?
     I loved the Final College Essay.  I found the writing to be very organized and interesting, pushing me to keep reading as I became very intrigued and piqued my interest - was this my Son?  I have never seen him write like this.  I learned a lot about my son by reading this essay.  I even stopped to ask him at several points of the essay on whether he wrote the essay by himself, or whether he had some help, and he responded that he wrote it himself.

2.                  What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?
     This is really the first time that I have looked through Zach's portfolio.  I am seeing him develop his written skills, communicating his emotions and thoughts as he is going through his high school years and teen years.  I would like him to learn how to organize his thoughts a little more - sometimes it appears that he is writing as though he is talking.  I would like him to organize his thoughts and then write instead of writing and then trying to organize his writing.

3.                  Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice, sentence fluency) do you feel was most successful for me? 
     Ideas, voice, word choice and sentence fluency.  I think he needs some help in trying to organize his thoughts and then translating that into his writing. 

4.                  Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?
     Organization of his thoughts and then supporting his thoughts as much as possible. 

What I learned from this Quarter...

Overall, at the end of this quarter, I feel better about my understanding of the use of the Six traits in my writing.  Before, I lacked some knowledge in knowing a skill, like sentence fluency, or organization.  I have finally achieved a better and more knowledgeable understanding of these traits, and it was only through bad grades and homework that I was able to understand and finally overcome my obstacles.  As I look back, the main obstacles were the projects at the end of the quarter, that our group was working hard on.  To finally get over them, we worked long and hard, and made sure to check with each other for progress every so often.  For next quarter, I am hoping to shape myself into a better learner, to ask questions when I am stuck, to take more notes to fully understand the topic and section, and make more time to proofread and overlook my final product to prepare it for submission.
- Z

Sentence Fluency

Sentence Fluency - The Sentences vary in length - short, simple, long, complex, parallel, and their composition and length enhance my words.

August 3, 2011.

Introductory Letter - Year 2.

"Hi Mrs. Sueoka,

Over the school year, I have definitely matured and become better at managing my time - also, ever since last year, I have begun to grow more social, as opposed to being shy and somewhat silent during the Freshman year.  As time passed, I learned to be able to take matters into my own hands, as I used to let others do their own part of the project, I try to help and make "backup parts" now, an example being the ECybermission project, where I could have helped one of my teammates for a better and more successful project instead of an unfinished one.  I also began to explore the internet more, because in Middle School, I never used Email to communicate, but now I even use it to talk to others and send documents online.  During the summer, I became more mature, to being serious, and determined to get the task at hand done.  Overall, I have psychologically changed considerably, but I am still in the process of learning and changing.

Zach" 

In the Introductory letter, I tried using different types of sentences, like long and complex sentences such as "As time passed, I learned to be able to take matters into my own hands, as I used to let others do their own part of the project, I try to help and make "backup parts" now, an example being the ECybermission project, where I could have helped one of my teammates for a better and more successful project instead of an unfinished one.", in contrast to my shorter sentences, for example, "Overall, I have psychologically changed considerably, but I am still in the process of learning and changing", which is shorter and is a parallel sentence, making the letter more interesting and easier to read, also allowing for the paragraph to flow nicely.

 Risky Business essay (final)

Risky Business Essay -

Bullying:

Should the Government create courses for it?

Zachary Chock

Period 2

11/7/11

The government should create classes and sessions to counsel and help stop bullying.  With people being plagued by the individuals known as “bullies” everyday, people urge the governing system to do something about the issue, as not much is being done to fully address the issue.  However, there are people who claim that the government has already done enough to resolve and help the issue.  I am on the Pro side, arguing we can do more to fund and produce "Bully awareness" classes.

The first argument complains that our government is not doing enough to address and combat the issue about bullying.  There are many programs the government has made to combat bullies, but so far, there are very little to no school courses, classes, or sessions held in education departments, to talk about the dangers of bullying.  In one case on October 17 2009, a teenager, Tyler Long, was bullied until he was sent over the edge, and hung himself.  There was no law or bill for education of these school bullies being passed around, so no one was able to Strangely, the school officials failed to recognize or acknowledge any form of the bullying in process, and disturbingly, his suicide was mocked and openly made fun of in classrooms, without any action being taken to stop mockery and disrespect.  

The bullies who pushed Tyler over the edge as well as those who mocked him were not pulled over or consoled, educated, or taught to stop the bullying, and neither did the government or school step in on any of the action.  Now, when caught, the tormentor can be subjected to detention to learn and put an end to their bad behavior.  Since then, School officials now talk with bullies to find out motives and reasons the individual has for their actions, and how they can repent on it.

On the other side, there are the people who counteract with the idea that everything in our power has already been done to help the efforts of the anti-bullying activities.  The government has started enacting warnings for schools to detain and help console, or have therapy with bullies, to combat the issue and rehabilitate the bully to stop their course of action.  Government statistics reveal that one of three students are bullied in Middle and High schools now, affecting overall mental health, success in school, and being able to be around others with trust.

 The action is hoping that by installing courses and classes to educate about bullying and putting a stop to it, to bullies, will alter the bullies' motives and hopefully end their idea to pick on smaller targets and end their bully spree.  People say that the government does not need to create classes, but the PSA’s and court rulings are enough to dissuade others to not join bullies.  Without Classes, Society would possibly have a rise in the amount of bullies and school issues involving harassment.

In conclusion, The Government should be holding classes and mandatory lectures to encourage the stop of bullying.  The programs and laws are active, but starting where the problem begins, in the schools, is where classes and courses should be held to combat and educate early on in children's lives, so they will not be encouraged to enact bullying.  With Media and various other commercials appearing to encourage Human rights, we should be promoting in - school education for Bullying as well.

Bibliography

• http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200607/cmselect/cmeduski/600/600.pdf, Date accessed, 11/8/11, PDF FILE, House of Commons Education and Skills Committee.
• "What Is Bullying? | StopBullying.gov." Home | StopBullying.gov. U.S Government. Web. 09 Nov. 2011. <http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/what_is_bullying/index.html>.
• Warr, Suzanne. "How Kidscape Courses Help Children Beat the Bullies | Society | Guardian.co.uk." Latest News, Sport and Comment from the Guardian | The Guardian. Guardian, 23 Sept. 2011. Web. 09 Nov. 2011. <http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/sep/23/bullying-children-kidscape-courses>.

 I used sentence fluency throughout the body of the essay, using short, medium, and complex long sentences with composition to keep my reader going, such as in the second paragraph, I used (highlighted) medium and long varied sentences with parallel structure to make my passage interesting, and enhance my words.

Word Choice

Word Choice: 

In your writing, use words that differentiate from "bland" words, use wording that stands out, and makes it descriptive and readable.

Powerplus:

Powerplus: In this exercise, I was required to choose words that would make the sentences flow better, such as question #1, (Michael tends to remove cliche from romance movies to show his charm in front of women), where I needed to choose a suitable word that would fit my sentence and allow it to read and move soundly, and in the Short Answer section, # 3, I had to apply the word Rancor in a sentence, so that I proved I knew the word, and how to use it uniquely in a paragraph  

Coming of Age ( Revised )

     Coming of Age

     Zachary Chock

    Period 2

 


            It was Seven AM. in the morning, and I was just watching YouTube on the computer.  It was a three-day weekend, so I could care less than nothing about the final project due around the corner on Tuesday.  Being only 10 at the time, I was not mature yet, and was still carefree and reckless.  I did not care or even think about my time being used on playing games, or watching television, when I could be studying, or working hard to accomplish major grades and achievements.  At school, I was lonely, and kept to myself.  I was only interested in space, and I isolated myself from friends, teachers, and used speech and words that were high for my understanding.  Others tried to help me as I kept getting horrible grades, and I also got very angry at my parents, even though I followed all of their advice to not make bad decisions such as giving into violence, drinking or trying any drug.  My parents were kind, loving, and cared greatly about me, skipping some events, or doing things to spend time with me.  My Dad was strong, had a silent personality, and taught me how to stand up to others and be tough, but he never got angry at us, unless it was from grades.  However, Mom was different, never mad, always kind, taught us in the ways of God, which was probably why she was so docile.  In any case, even as kind as they were to me, I turned down all of their attempts to get me an after - school program or a Tutorial supervisor that would study with me and teach me in the subjects that I was dropping in.  I never did any of that or wanted to, but when it came to school and discipline, I was a problem child.  I still got angry, acted out against them, and caused a lot of anger among my superiors.
            There was a project due, and I was simply searching for funny internet videos and information to read.  My parents woke, however, when I played an Alternative Rock song too loud on the speakers.  My Father came into my room, tired and sleepy with rings under his eyes, and he looked annoyed.  “Son, what are you doing?  Don’t you have a project due this weekend?”  I just looked at the computer screen, having switched to a video of someone playing Halo 3.  “HEY!” Dad really was trying to get my attention.  “Do you want to rush again, getting C’s and ‘Meet’ grades?  Your Mom and I are trying to help you!” he stated.  I finally paid attention and spoke to my father.  “Yeah, I care.  But I have all of the time since the weekend is three days, so I can do it on Monday” I stared blankly after I said that.  He scoffed, and my Mother came in, woken from the rock music..  “Hi Mom” I said, sounding more as if I was just repeating it like it was routine.  “Zach” She replied slowly.  “You know we care about you and are trying to help you as much as we can, so please, can you just listen to us?  We’re trying to help you get A’s – aren’t you sacred about your grade?  It’s on the borderline of a D and C.”  Eventually, I looked at both of them, and I stood, just staring at them.  “Fine.  Whatever”  I didn’t care.  I just wanted to have fun.  I wasted time purposely just messing with the materials needed to build the project, since I didn't want to do it anyway.  They left me, trusting that I would complete my mission.  However, during the three hours I spent unfocused, I was constantly reminded that Monday was speeding towards me, and very fast.
            I got to ‘work’, trying to do the first part of my poster board, to type up the summary on what had happened to the Hawaiian Monarchy.  It had been assigned by the teacher a while ago, and I had gotten but nowhere.  The Keyboard made clacks and clicked, each key springing back as I typed with anger.  I didn’t feel like spending precious time doing something I was required, but to do something that made me happy and careless, like spending countless hours video-gaming, or to vegetate on the couch, watching a funny cartoon until I had fallen asleep by the next morning.  There seemed to be so much to do, it looked overwhelming and seemed to grow when I looked back at the criteria, and appeared that it would take up to Tuesday to complete, but I didn’t want to even try.  Since my parents were gone, I opened up the web browser, and I searched a video related to Halo.  As I watched the video play on the screen, I forgot about the homework and the time wasted away by not working on the project.  The shadows of the trees and the computer arched as eight hours passed me by, leaving me forever.  Those were eight hours I could have finished my project in, but I didn't care anymore.  I never kept track of time, and because of all the gunshot noises made by the game, I was too consumed to notice that my parents’ work had ended, and they had come home and were already inside the house.  My Mom had been standing behind me for a few moments.  She tapped my shoulder, and I turned.  I felt frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect.  “Hi mom” my voice whittled to a whisper.  She didn’t say anything, but kept a tired, cold expression as she opened my word document to see my project progress.  “Son, you didn’t even make it past the second paragraph” she said.  I could feel the disappointment in her whisper of a voice.  “Do you still care?” she turned to look at me.  I felt her brown eyes stabbing into my heart like daggers, the dark hole in her eyes were empty, and I saw the sadness and irritation pooling in her emotionless eyes.  I felt scared, so I could only nod.  She began to leave, and finally turned as she left me to drown in my guilt.  “If you don’t care, that’s fine – Your father and I try to help you so much, and you turn it down with no effort” she looked sad.  I actually felt guilty and cared then, out of all the times that I spent deflecting their glares and anger.  “You can fail if you want to do so” Her upbeat happy personality replaced by an sad, empty shell of what she always was.  She left me alone with the video continuing to play.  I didn’t even notice it was on – I had been to focused by what my Mom had said, that I had begun to change.
            Eventually, the final day came, and even after my confrontation with Mom in the bedroom about my progress, I had acted like I cared, and when my Dad asked of the same, I could only feel the guilt and shame wrenching my insides.  The noise the clock made was threatening.

Tick…

Tick…

Tick…

Time seemed to pass by more than twice as fast – I glared at the clock with swollen, red eyes.

It read 9:00 PM.

I realized that only three hours remained until the dreadful day of reckoning had consumed me and my project.  I began a frantic haste, rushing and making mistakes, spilling glue as I frantically tried to paste the images onto the board.  I hadn’t even gotten halfway to the finishing touch and now it was too late as the clock struck 10:00. PM.  I was tired, and I was now up to my neck in regret of not heeding my parent’s advice.  My sister was asleep not too far away.  Slowly, I began to cry.  I didn’t take my chance, and I was paying the full price for my decisions.  It was then my Dad came into the room and knelt next to me.  “Son, do you see what procrastination has done?” I nodded, and he helped me up.  “Do you really want to try now?” He finished.  At last, I caved in, and replied.  “Yes.  I promise!” and with that, we began to work.  He helped me fix the crooked pictures, pasted to the board.  While he was at that, Mom came and told me she cared.  "Now, let's take a look at the document" she soothed.  I followed Mom to the computer, and with renewed vigor, I revamped my summary with her help in only half an hour.  Time seemed to transition from fast to slow as the progress moved along, and the pieces of my poster board began to assemble.  This was the most serious I was than at any of my school life.  I understood, and I was ready to make the transition.
          I finally finished the project.  The poster was a bit rushed, so I received a "Meets" or 'B' on my poster. This was my wake up call.  It was time to upgrade - I wasn't a kid anymore.  I had to be ready for the real world.  A little while after that day, I changed Behaviorally, and Psychologically.  I listened to my parents more, I stopped throwing fits, yelling, and causing trouble.  I began to get serious, dedicating more time to studying, reading, and being active to acquire a better lifestyle and status.  My grades rose, reaching A's and B's, a giant leap from the 'C' student that I had always seen myself to be.  The main problem was that I didn't want to change - but from that day, I decided to mature, and act more like my age, to be a teenager and take responsibility of my life.  Then, I found I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which was why I was socially unkempt, and used 'big phrases'.  It was something I had to overcome, so with my changing from child to teen, I worked on being more social, seeking help with my subjects, and caring more than ever now that I was concerned about my future, and how I had changed over the four years in personality socially, and physically.

In my "Coming of Age" essay, I tried using complex and different words, like "criteria", and words and phrases in the body paragraph such as "frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect" to describe how I felt, and make the reader imagine what I felt at that time, as well as throughout the paragraphs, where I used big words, like "renewed vigor" instead of "with energy", as it would be bland and boring.

Voice

Voice:  My writing conveys and reveals my personality, and shows I am writing to the viewer and not using filler.

     Coming of Age

     Zachary Chock

    Period 2

 


            It was Seven AM. in the morning, and I was just watching YouTube on the computer.  It was a three-day weekend, so I could care less than nothing about the final project due around the corner on Tuesday.  Being only 10 at the time, I was not mature yet, and was still carefree and reckless.  I did not care or even think about my time being used on playing games, or watching television, when I could be studying, or working hard to accomplish major grades and achievements.  At school, I was lonely, and kept to myself.  I was only interested in space, and I isolated myself from friends, teachers, and used speech and words that were high for my understanding.  Others tried to help me as I kept getting horrible grades, and I also got very angry at my parents, even though I followed all of their advice to not make bad decisions such as giving into violence, drinking or trying any drug.  My parents were kind, loving, and cared greatly about me, skipping some events, or doing things to spend time with me.  My Dad was strong, had a silent personality, and taught me how to stand up to others and be tough, but he never got angry at us, unless it was from grades.  However, Mom was different, never mad, always kind, taught us in the ways of God, which was probably why she was so docile.  In any case, even as kind as they were to me, I turned down all of their attempts to get me an after - school program or a Tutorial supervisor that would study with me and teach me in the subjects that I was dropping in.  I never did any of that or wanted to, but when it came to school and discipline, I was a problem child.  I still got angry, acted out against them, and caused a lot of anger among my superiors.
            There was a project due, and I was simply searching for funny internet videos and information to read.  My parents woke, however, when I played an Alternative Rock song too loud on the speakers.  My Father came into my room, tired and sleepy with rings under his eyes, and he looked annoyed.  “Son, what are you doing?  Don’t you have a project due this weekend?”  I just looked at the computer screen, having switched to a video of someone playing Halo 3.  “HEY!” Dad really was trying to get my attention.  “Do you want to rush again, getting C’s and ‘Meet’ grades?  Your Mom and I are trying to help you!” he stated.  I finally paid attention and spoke to my father.  “Yeah, I care.  But I have all of the time since the weekend is three days, so I can do it on Monday” I stared blankly after I said that.  He scoffed, and my Mother came in, woken from the rock music..  “Hi Mom” I said, sounding more as if I was just repeating it like it was routine.  “Zach” She replied slowly.  “You know we care about you and are trying to help you as much as we can, so please, can you just listen to us?  We’re trying to help you get A’s – aren’t you sacred about your grade?  It’s on the borderline of a D and C.”  Eventually, I looked at both of them, and I stood, just staring at them.  “Fine.  Whatever”  I didn’t care.  I just wanted to have fun.  I wasted time purposely just messing with the materials needed to build the project, since I didn't want to do it anyway.  They left me, trusting that I would complete my mission.  However, during the three hours I spent unfocused, I was constantly reminded that Monday was speeding towards me, and very fast.
            I got to ‘work’, trying to do the first part of my poster board, to type up the summary on what had happened to the Hawaiian Monarchy.  It had been assigned by the teacher a while ago, and I had gotten but nowhere.  The Keyboard made clacks and clicked, each key springing back as I typed with anger.  I didn’t feel like spending precious time doing something I was required, but to do something that made me happy and careless, like spending countless hours video-gaming, or to vegetate on the couch, watching a funny cartoon until I had fallen asleep by the next morning.  There seemed to be so much to do, it looked overwhelming and seemed to grow when I looked back at the criteria, and appeared that it would take up to Tuesday to complete, but I didn’t want to even try.  Since my parents were gone, I opened up the web browser, and I searched a video related to Halo.  As I watched the video play on the screen, I forgot about the homework and the time wasted away by not working on the project.  The shadows of the trees and the computer arched as eight hours passed me by, leaving me forever.  Those were eight hours I could have finished my project in, but I didn't care anymore.  I never kept track of time, and because of all the gunshot noises made by the game, I was too consumed to notice that my parents’ work had ended, and they had come home and were already inside the house.  My Mom had been standing behind me for a few moments.  She tapped my shoulder, and I turned.  I felt frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect.  “Hi mom” my voice whittled to a whisper.  She didn’t say anything, but kept a tired, cold expression as she opened my word document to see my project progress.  “Son, you didn’t even make it past the second paragraph” she said.  I could feel the disappointment in her whisper of a voice.  “Do you still care?” she turned to look at me.  I felt her brown eyes stabbing into my heart like daggers, the dark hole in her eyes were empty, and I saw the sadness and irritation pooling in her emotionless eyes.  I felt scared, so I could only nod.  She began to leave, and finally turned as she left me to drown in my guilt.  “If you don’t care, that’s fine – Your father and I try to help you so much, and you turn it down with no effort” she looked sad.  I actually felt guilty and cared then, out of all the times that I spent deflecting their glares and anger.  “You can fail if you want to do so” Her upbeat happy personality replaced by an sad, empty shell of what she always was.  She left me alone with the video continuing to play.  I didn’t even notice it was on – I had been to focused by what my Mom had said, that I had begun to change.
            Eventually, the final day came, and even after my confrontation with Mom in the bedroom about my progress, I had acted like I cared, and when my Dad asked of the same, I could only feel the guilt and shame wrenching my insides.  The noise the clock made was threatening.

Tick…

Tick…

Tick…

Time seemed to pass by more than twice as fast – I glared at the clock with swollen, red eyes.

It read 9:00 PM.

I realized that only three hours remained until the dreadful day of reckoning had consumed me and my project.  I began a frantic haste, rushing and making mistakes, spilling glue as I frantically tried to paste the images onto the board.  I hadn’t even gotten halfway to the finishing touch and now it was too late as the clock struck 10:00. PM.  I was tired, and I was now up to my neck in regret of not heeding my parent’s advice.  My sister was asleep not too far away.  Slowly, I began to cry.  I didn’t take my chance, and I was paying the full price for my decisions.  It was then my Dad came into the room and knelt next to me.  “Son, do you see what procrastination has done?” I nodded, and he helped me up.  “Do you really want to try now?” He finished.  At last, I caved in, and replied.  “Yes.  I promise!” and with that, we began to work.  He helped me fix the crooked pictures, pasted to the board.  While he was at that, Mom came and told me she cared.  "Now, let's take a look at the document" she soothed.  I followed Mom to the computer, and with renewed vigor, I revamped my summary with her help in only half an hour.  Time seemed to transition from fast to slow as the progress moved along, and the pieces of my poster board began to assemble.  This was the most serious I was than at any of my school life.  I understood, and I was ready to make the transition.
          I finally finished the project.  The poster was a bit rushed, so I received a "Meets" or 'B' on my poster. This was my wake up call.  It was time to upgrade - I wasn't a kid anymore.  I had to be ready for the real world.  A little while after that day, I changed Behaviorally, and Psychologically.  I listened to my parents more, I stopped throwing fits, yelling, and causing trouble.  I began to get serious, dedicating more time to studying, reading, and being active to acquire a better lifestyle and status.  My grades rose, reaching A's and B's, a giant leap from the 'C' student that I had always seen myself to be.  The main problem was that I didn't want to change - but from that day, I decided to mature, and act more like my age, to be a teenager and take responsibility of my life.  Then, I found I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which was why I was socially unkempt, and used 'big phrases'.  It was something I had to overcome, so with my changing from child to teen, I worked on being more social, seeking help with my subjects, and caring more than ever now that I was concerned about my future, and how I had changed over the four years in personality socially, and physically.

In my coming of age essay, I was able to show my personality and how it had developed over time, and I truly put into my writing humanity, such as in the first paragraph where I talk about how I feel about myself, and how I feel about school and my decisions that I make, and then I increased the amount of focus on how I really felt in my second paragraph, as being disgusted with work and my rebellion against their advice, so that the reader could see what I felt and went through, and how the person I am writing about is Me, and that they can feel my emotions.  In the end, I write how I am able to finally overcome my rebellion, and focus on what mattered to me at the moment.

 

Writing position statement essay

     In my opinion, I believe that the government is in the fault of not warning tourists that there are dangers and discrepancies on the trail or excursion.  Although, both sides are at fault for not complying with the rules and warnings, or putting warnings and advisories to prevent such disasters.

     The people, tourists, are at fault for not using common sense, among many of the deceased are people who fail to notice the signs for the danger possible.  They have taken risks by avoiding the signs and walking directly or close to the area of warning.  Most of these faults are accidents, but the fatalities are caused by clumsiness of people, and their neglectfulness of the terrain.  

     The Governing system, is to blame as well.  They are able to place signs, boards, and signals to indicate a potential threat to the visitors.  For some, there is warning, but it fails to warn about a second threat or danger, as it only focuses on one, and can be fixed.  The system has also spent money trying to highlight and bring the natural disturbances to light, and have succeeded in informing many about it.  Some, though, take that risk in crossing the line or performing unlawful and deadly stunts.

     Out of all the reasons, there are many leading to the people for being naive about their surroundings.  First, with proper knowledge, they are able to prevent loss of life and financial problems, given the ruling power and system educates about the path or landscape, and the fact that most of them are curious or pay no attention to the area ahead of them.  The government of Hawaii Gives fair warning, but should be able to update the warning boards or to acknowledge any new threats through any park supervisors, as in the case of the loss of two Californians, who were actually encouraged to pass though a loose section of a trail after noticing the sign telling them to avoid the other path due to loose landscape.

     In conclusion, it is actually the governing force's fault for most deaths and lawsuits coming from families of victims.  More so, that they can assign extra security to a position to deal with marauders and fools.  Another way is to routinely suspect and check surrounding ground for any natural protrusions or variables able to cause harm to an unsuspecting man or woman.  They have control of what can inform people, and can improve upon it, while the tourists are simply acting upon the government's lack of numerous and large warnings, or no security guards.

In the Writing Position statement essay, I used voice throughout the essay such as in my first paragraph, where I voiced my opinion on the fault of the government of the casualties caused when they have failed to warn the public about the dangers of the roads and nature side.  Throughout the essay, such as in my second paragraph, I contrast the other reason with my opinion on how our government is working hard to protect the people and place signs up, and this statement contrasts the first argument in the first paragraph, yet voices my feelings for the other side, and ends with what I really feel about the final conclusion and my stance.

Organization

Organization:

The writing is written strongly, begins with a bold lead, and moves very smoothly and strongly throughout the body paragraphs, and is able to finish with a strong, afterwards conclusion that stirs reader's thoughts.

Biking essay:

In the Biking essay, I tried to begin my essay with a strong lead that would capture the reader's attention, beginning with a student's death, and statistics to begin my essay strong and bold, using a thesis statement about the conflicts between bikers and car users on the road in my first paragraph.  Then, in the body of my essay, I used arguments and details from two different sides of the conflict to keep the reader immersed and moving fluidly throughout the essay so the reader would not get lost.

COLLEGE ESSAY:

Final College Essay: 9/25/11

College Essay

Zachary Chock

Period 2

9/25/11

Topic

University of Pugent sound -
C. Explain how your experiences as a teenager significantly differ from those of your friends.  Include comparisons.

            During the beginning of Middle School and my development as a teenager, I was always trying to be different from those around me.  It was my maturity that made me different.  Learning from a certain event, I had decided to stop playing around and be serious to myself and others.  Many teens of my age wanted to just live out their lives and do as much fun as they could.  Looking at that, I wanted to be unique, different, and be able to stand out from others that I knew who acted in a way I found to be "disturbing and inappropriate".  When I looked at my peers and how they acted out against each other, I contrasted them and I and told myself I wouldn't become anything like them.  It was for that reason from there on in Intermediate school that many people thought I was weird, and shy, but I was the only one who thought it was okay and acceptable.  For that, I felt stuck in my own little world.

            While I was growing and maturing, I strayed away from the mainstream group.  I was the odd one out, along with others who were like me and acted similar to how I would be.  The “Mainstream” group, was more of a stereotypical prepubescent reckless and immature group, being what I would describe as “delinquents” as I grew in Middle School.  The students would not listen to the teacher, despite age of approximately 12 – 14, still pass notes, try to text, but to no avail as the teacher would always select the most obvious texting students like a eagle plucking it’s prey.  When noticed, others would ask me why I never talked too much, or participated in little “prank excursions” with everyone else, who followed and pulled stunts and destructive or distracting obstructions on others or uninformed people.  It felt like bandwagon propaganda, in which everyone said, “Hop on!  Be with us!” their temptations were strong, but seeing them get in trouble and make fools of themselves was enough to put me off.

            With realization and self discovery, I lost pieces of my immaturity and strange behavior, and noticed that instead of the other students maturing and reaching levels of higher cognitive thinking with age, they simply grew more immature, setting examples of things I never wanted to become.  The teacher and counselor noticed me as one of the very rarely seen students who obeyed almost everything asked of them, behaved better than most of the students, and did not get any referrals.  I was labeled as a “goody two shoes” by my peers, and left out of their cliques, just confined to the library with the “others” that were silent, or did not have very social experiences and lives.  I found it easy to make friends with those like me and it was okay, but we were all looked at as 'nerds, and bookie tweakers' by the teens who came into the library just to make fun of us, and who were just there to  cause trouble instead of studying.

            To everyone else, I was called the outcast, one of those who were ostracized from school, society, and kept out of the groups and social circles.  I was always there to act like a policeman, governing and watching out for the kids who were teased, and others criticized my actions as I told on and reported on many people for marking walls or stealing equipment, and that was looked down upon as a bad thing.  The students would take their anger out on me, and I was possibly one of the most hated middle school students at the time.  My ‘officer’ behavior caught the attention of many, even adults, and they told me to calm down or to let them handle it.  I disobeyed that, and as I kept telling, I kept making more enemies.  Despite this, I chose not to become immature and act stupid, but stick to how I had always decided to be.

            Eventually, I became more social, and began to shed my shell that kept me from being so shy and reclusive.  I also found I was impaired by a high functioning form of Autism, called Aspergers, and it was because of that, I found it very difficult to be open and social, or make friends, and also caused me to use a lot of complicated words, which everyone found awkward.  I tried hard by the 8^th grade to be more like the students, albeit unlike them, not joining in their activities, just adopting their speech style and talk.  The more I dropped the ‘turtle’ act and 'dropped the shell', the more easier it was to adapt to the student body and create friends out of enemies.  They noticed my change, and they began to accept my viewpoint and diffrences, and treat me less harshly as they realized how immature they had acted and imposed upon others.  Then, others began to act mature, and asked me for help, looking at their mistakes and regretting how they had treated others.  

            Then, I entered High School, which was definitely a whole new world for me.  The students were more mature, had increased seriousness, and stopped acting like they were nine or ten.  I found it easy to blend in, but the only difference was in clothing, talking, and thinking.  I found "common" speech different and weird, whereas I would use "Attire", the others would use "Swag", or as I say "Beckon", they would say "Yo Neff!".  Many of the other students found it weird that I do not dress in "Swagg" as I found it to be thuggish and ugly, where others found my "blank shirts and blank pants", clothing without designs qualified to be "Swagg", weird and untasteful.  Others liked my persona of being nice and offering to help, which made me really good friends with Chad and others like him.  Many of the students were like the others I faced in Elementary and Middle school, except more mature and able to handle situations or understand a person's viewpoint without making fun or leaving someone out.  As the school year swept by in the freshman year, I got adjusted and absorbed a few points of the average high school student.  In the beginning, I was silent as I had always been, but now, I had improved on speech and social skills, and stopped hanging by myself, and would hang out with a group of friends, just like others would do.


In my college essay, I applied Organization as I wrote my first paragraph, where I try to capture the reader's attention with details from my earlier years, so that they want to continue reading.  I made sure that it would be easy to follow as I described how I wanted to avoid doing what was wrong, so the reader would have an easy time and smoothly read through the body paragraph.  My ending was meant to stir some thoughts about me, and so that people would see I was unique and ponder about how I behaved, and look back at my structure and ending.

Trait One: IDEAS

Ideas: My writing introduces new views, information, or knowledge, supported by evident and firm evidence, experiences, research, or complex thought.


Biking Essay:

In the Biking essay, I applied the trait for "Ideas" through my writing as I introduce new knowledge, views and my take on biking issues in Hawaii using information and research in the essay such as in my second paragraph, when I use Zachary Manago's death as an example for the argument saying that we should have a safe area for the road, and support it with other complaints shared by bikers, in the third paragraph.  I introduced the idea in the first paragraph about the deaths and accidents of bikers, just related to car and bike collisions so the reader knows more about the subject.  

Position Essay:

In this essay, I use arguing sides from people who consume soda, and compare that with arguments from health organizations that study the consumption of soda, and explain it in the first paragraph.  I was able to draw new ideas from details and studies done on taxing soda's benefits to the economy, and it's impacts on Americans and obesity in my second paragraph, as I try to explain my new thoughts about how taxing sodas can benefit our economy, while lowering obesity and reducing disease rates caused by high sugar intakes.