Parent Confrence

Questions for parents:

1.                  What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?
     I loved the Final College Essay.  I found the writing to be very organized and interesting, pushing me to keep reading as I became very intrigued and piqued my interest - was this my Son?  I have never seen him write like this.  I learned a lot about my son by reading this essay.  I even stopped to ask him at several points of the essay on whether he wrote the essay by himself, or whether he had some help, and he responded that he wrote it himself.

2.                  What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?
     This is really the first time that I have looked through Zach's portfolio.  I am seeing him develop his written skills, communicating his emotions and thoughts as he is going through his high school years and teen years.  I would like him to learn how to organize his thoughts a little more - sometimes it appears that he is writing as though he is talking.  I would like him to organize his thoughts and then write instead of writing and then trying to organize his writing.

3.                  Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice, sentence fluency) do you feel was most successful for me? 
     Ideas, voice, word choice and sentence fluency.  I think he needs some help in trying to organize his thoughts and then translating that into his writing. 

4.                  Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?
     Organization of his thoughts and then supporting his thoughts as much as possible. 

What I learned from this Quarter...

Overall, at the end of this quarter, I feel better about my understanding of the use of the Six traits in my writing.  Before, I lacked some knowledge in knowing a skill, like sentence fluency, or organization.  I have finally achieved a better and more knowledgeable understanding of these traits, and it was only through bad grades and homework that I was able to understand and finally overcome my obstacles.  As I look back, the main obstacles were the projects at the end of the quarter, that our group was working hard on.  To finally get over them, we worked long and hard, and made sure to check with each other for progress every so often.  For next quarter, I am hoping to shape myself into a better learner, to ask questions when I am stuck, to take more notes to fully understand the topic and section, and make more time to proofread and overlook my final product to prepare it for submission.
- Z

Sentence Fluency

Sentence Fluency - The Sentences vary in length - short, simple, long, complex, parallel, and their composition and length enhance my words.

August 3, 2011.

Introductory Letter - Year 2.

"Hi Mrs. Sueoka,

Over the school year, I have definitely matured and become better at managing my time - also, ever since last year, I have begun to grow more social, as opposed to being shy and somewhat silent during the Freshman year.  As time passed, I learned to be able to take matters into my own hands, as I used to let others do their own part of the project, I try to help and make "backup parts" now, an example being the ECybermission project, where I could have helped one of my teammates for a better and more successful project instead of an unfinished one.  I also began to explore the internet more, because in Middle School, I never used Email to communicate, but now I even use it to talk to others and send documents online.  During the summer, I became more mature, to being serious, and determined to get the task at hand done.  Overall, I have psychologically changed considerably, but I am still in the process of learning and changing.

Zach" 

In the Introductory letter, I tried using different types of sentences, like long and complex sentences such as "As time passed, I learned to be able to take matters into my own hands, as I used to let others do their own part of the project, I try to help and make "backup parts" now, an example being the ECybermission project, where I could have helped one of my teammates for a better and more successful project instead of an unfinished one.", in contrast to my shorter sentences, for example, "Overall, I have psychologically changed considerably, but I am still in the process of learning and changing", which is shorter and is a parallel sentence, making the letter more interesting and easier to read, also allowing for the paragraph to flow nicely.

 Risky Business essay (final)

Risky Business Essay -

Bullying:

Should the Government create courses for it?

Zachary Chock

Period 2

11/7/11

The government should create classes and sessions to counsel and help stop bullying.  With people being plagued by the individuals known as “bullies” everyday, people urge the governing system to do something about the issue, as not much is being done to fully address the issue.  However, there are people who claim that the government has already done enough to resolve and help the issue.  I am on the Pro side, arguing we can do more to fund and produce "Bully awareness" classes.

The first argument complains that our government is not doing enough to address and combat the issue about bullying.  There are many programs the government has made to combat bullies, but so far, there are very little to no school courses, classes, or sessions held in education departments, to talk about the dangers of bullying.  In one case on October 17 2009, a teenager, Tyler Long, was bullied until he was sent over the edge, and hung himself.  There was no law or bill for education of these school bullies being passed around, so no one was able to Strangely, the school officials failed to recognize or acknowledge any form of the bullying in process, and disturbingly, his suicide was mocked and openly made fun of in classrooms, without any action being taken to stop mockery and disrespect.  

The bullies who pushed Tyler over the edge as well as those who mocked him were not pulled over or consoled, educated, or taught to stop the bullying, and neither did the government or school step in on any of the action.  Now, when caught, the tormentor can be subjected to detention to learn and put an end to their bad behavior.  Since then, School officials now talk with bullies to find out motives and reasons the individual has for their actions, and how they can repent on it.

On the other side, there are the people who counteract with the idea that everything in our power has already been done to help the efforts of the anti-bullying activities.  The government has started enacting warnings for schools to detain and help console, or have therapy with bullies, to combat the issue and rehabilitate the bully to stop their course of action.  Government statistics reveal that one of three students are bullied in Middle and High schools now, affecting overall mental health, success in school, and being able to be around others with trust.

 The action is hoping that by installing courses and classes to educate about bullying and putting a stop to it, to bullies, will alter the bullies' motives and hopefully end their idea to pick on smaller targets and end their bully spree.  People say that the government does not need to create classes, but the PSA’s and court rulings are enough to dissuade others to not join bullies.  Without Classes, Society would possibly have a rise in the amount of bullies and school issues involving harassment.

In conclusion, The Government should be holding classes and mandatory lectures to encourage the stop of bullying.  The programs and laws are active, but starting where the problem begins, in the schools, is where classes and courses should be held to combat and educate early on in children's lives, so they will not be encouraged to enact bullying.  With Media and various other commercials appearing to encourage Human rights, we should be promoting in - school education for Bullying as well.

Bibliography

• http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200607/cmselect/cmeduski/600/600.pdf, Date accessed, 11/8/11, PDF FILE, House of Commons Education and Skills Committee.
• "What Is Bullying? | StopBullying.gov." Home | StopBullying.gov. U.S Government. Web. 09 Nov. 2011. <http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/what_is_bullying/index.html>.
• Warr, Suzanne. "How Kidscape Courses Help Children Beat the Bullies | Society | Guardian.co.uk." Latest News, Sport and Comment from the Guardian | The Guardian. Guardian, 23 Sept. 2011. Web. 09 Nov. 2011. <http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/sep/23/bullying-children-kidscape-courses>.

 I used sentence fluency throughout the body of the essay, using short, medium, and complex long sentences with composition to keep my reader going, such as in the second paragraph, I used (highlighted) medium and long varied sentences with parallel structure to make my passage interesting, and enhance my words.

Word Choice

Word Choice: 

In your writing, use words that differentiate from "bland" words, use wording that stands out, and makes it descriptive and readable.

Powerplus:

Powerplus: In this exercise, I was required to choose words that would make the sentences flow better, such as question #1, (Michael tends to remove cliche from romance movies to show his charm in front of women), where I needed to choose a suitable word that would fit my sentence and allow it to read and move soundly, and in the Short Answer section, # 3, I had to apply the word Rancor in a sentence, so that I proved I knew the word, and how to use it uniquely in a paragraph  

Coming of Age ( Revised )

     Coming of Age

     Zachary Chock

    Period 2

 


            It was Seven AM. in the morning, and I was just watching YouTube on the computer.  It was a three-day weekend, so I could care less than nothing about the final project due around the corner on Tuesday.  Being only 10 at the time, I was not mature yet, and was still carefree and reckless.  I did not care or even think about my time being used on playing games, or watching television, when I could be studying, or working hard to accomplish major grades and achievements.  At school, I was lonely, and kept to myself.  I was only interested in space, and I isolated myself from friends, teachers, and used speech and words that were high for my understanding.  Others tried to help me as I kept getting horrible grades, and I also got very angry at my parents, even though I followed all of their advice to not make bad decisions such as giving into violence, drinking or trying any drug.  My parents were kind, loving, and cared greatly about me, skipping some events, or doing things to spend time with me.  My Dad was strong, had a silent personality, and taught me how to stand up to others and be tough, but he never got angry at us, unless it was from grades.  However, Mom was different, never mad, always kind, taught us in the ways of God, which was probably why she was so docile.  In any case, even as kind as they were to me, I turned down all of their attempts to get me an after - school program or a Tutorial supervisor that would study with me and teach me in the subjects that I was dropping in.  I never did any of that or wanted to, but when it came to school and discipline, I was a problem child.  I still got angry, acted out against them, and caused a lot of anger among my superiors.
            There was a project due, and I was simply searching for funny internet videos and information to read.  My parents woke, however, when I played an Alternative Rock song too loud on the speakers.  My Father came into my room, tired and sleepy with rings under his eyes, and he looked annoyed.  “Son, what are you doing?  Don’t you have a project due this weekend?”  I just looked at the computer screen, having switched to a video of someone playing Halo 3.  “HEY!” Dad really was trying to get my attention.  “Do you want to rush again, getting C’s and ‘Meet’ grades?  Your Mom and I are trying to help you!” he stated.  I finally paid attention and spoke to my father.  “Yeah, I care.  But I have all of the time since the weekend is three days, so I can do it on Monday” I stared blankly after I said that.  He scoffed, and my Mother came in, woken from the rock music..  “Hi Mom” I said, sounding more as if I was just repeating it like it was routine.  “Zach” She replied slowly.  “You know we care about you and are trying to help you as much as we can, so please, can you just listen to us?  We’re trying to help you get A’s – aren’t you sacred about your grade?  It’s on the borderline of a D and C.”  Eventually, I looked at both of them, and I stood, just staring at them.  “Fine.  Whatever”  I didn’t care.  I just wanted to have fun.  I wasted time purposely just messing with the materials needed to build the project, since I didn't want to do it anyway.  They left me, trusting that I would complete my mission.  However, during the three hours I spent unfocused, I was constantly reminded that Monday was speeding towards me, and very fast.
            I got to ‘work’, trying to do the first part of my poster board, to type up the summary on what had happened to the Hawaiian Monarchy.  It had been assigned by the teacher a while ago, and I had gotten but nowhere.  The Keyboard made clacks and clicked, each key springing back as I typed with anger.  I didn’t feel like spending precious time doing something I was required, but to do something that made me happy and careless, like spending countless hours video-gaming, or to vegetate on the couch, watching a funny cartoon until I had fallen asleep by the next morning.  There seemed to be so much to do, it looked overwhelming and seemed to grow when I looked back at the criteria, and appeared that it would take up to Tuesday to complete, but I didn’t want to even try.  Since my parents were gone, I opened up the web browser, and I searched a video related to Halo.  As I watched the video play on the screen, I forgot about the homework and the time wasted away by not working on the project.  The shadows of the trees and the computer arched as eight hours passed me by, leaving me forever.  Those were eight hours I could have finished my project in, but I didn't care anymore.  I never kept track of time, and because of all the gunshot noises made by the game, I was too consumed to notice that my parents’ work had ended, and they had come home and were already inside the house.  My Mom had been standing behind me for a few moments.  She tapped my shoulder, and I turned.  I felt frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect.  “Hi mom” my voice whittled to a whisper.  She didn’t say anything, but kept a tired, cold expression as she opened my word document to see my project progress.  “Son, you didn’t even make it past the second paragraph” she said.  I could feel the disappointment in her whisper of a voice.  “Do you still care?” she turned to look at me.  I felt her brown eyes stabbing into my heart like daggers, the dark hole in her eyes were empty, and I saw the sadness and irritation pooling in her emotionless eyes.  I felt scared, so I could only nod.  She began to leave, and finally turned as she left me to drown in my guilt.  “If you don’t care, that’s fine – Your father and I try to help you so much, and you turn it down with no effort” she looked sad.  I actually felt guilty and cared then, out of all the times that I spent deflecting their glares and anger.  “You can fail if you want to do so” Her upbeat happy personality replaced by an sad, empty shell of what she always was.  She left me alone with the video continuing to play.  I didn’t even notice it was on – I had been to focused by what my Mom had said, that I had begun to change.
            Eventually, the final day came, and even after my confrontation with Mom in the bedroom about my progress, I had acted like I cared, and when my Dad asked of the same, I could only feel the guilt and shame wrenching my insides.  The noise the clock made was threatening.

Tick…

Tick…

Tick…

Time seemed to pass by more than twice as fast – I glared at the clock with swollen, red eyes.

It read 9:00 PM.

I realized that only three hours remained until the dreadful day of reckoning had consumed me and my project.  I began a frantic haste, rushing and making mistakes, spilling glue as I frantically tried to paste the images onto the board.  I hadn’t even gotten halfway to the finishing touch and now it was too late as the clock struck 10:00. PM.  I was tired, and I was now up to my neck in regret of not heeding my parent’s advice.  My sister was asleep not too far away.  Slowly, I began to cry.  I didn’t take my chance, and I was paying the full price for my decisions.  It was then my Dad came into the room and knelt next to me.  “Son, do you see what procrastination has done?” I nodded, and he helped me up.  “Do you really want to try now?” He finished.  At last, I caved in, and replied.  “Yes.  I promise!” and with that, we began to work.  He helped me fix the crooked pictures, pasted to the board.  While he was at that, Mom came and told me she cared.  "Now, let's take a look at the document" she soothed.  I followed Mom to the computer, and with renewed vigor, I revamped my summary with her help in only half an hour.  Time seemed to transition from fast to slow as the progress moved along, and the pieces of my poster board began to assemble.  This was the most serious I was than at any of my school life.  I understood, and I was ready to make the transition.
          I finally finished the project.  The poster was a bit rushed, so I received a "Meets" or 'B' on my poster. This was my wake up call.  It was time to upgrade - I wasn't a kid anymore.  I had to be ready for the real world.  A little while after that day, I changed Behaviorally, and Psychologically.  I listened to my parents more, I stopped throwing fits, yelling, and causing trouble.  I began to get serious, dedicating more time to studying, reading, and being active to acquire a better lifestyle and status.  My grades rose, reaching A's and B's, a giant leap from the 'C' student that I had always seen myself to be.  The main problem was that I didn't want to change - but from that day, I decided to mature, and act more like my age, to be a teenager and take responsibility of my life.  Then, I found I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which was why I was socially unkempt, and used 'big phrases'.  It was something I had to overcome, so with my changing from child to teen, I worked on being more social, seeking help with my subjects, and caring more than ever now that I was concerned about my future, and how I had changed over the four years in personality socially, and physically.

In my "Coming of Age" essay, I tried using complex and different words, like "criteria", and words and phrases in the body paragraph such as "frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect" to describe how I felt, and make the reader imagine what I felt at that time, as well as throughout the paragraphs, where I used big words, like "renewed vigor" instead of "with energy", as it would be bland and boring.

Voice

Voice:  My writing conveys and reveals my personality, and shows I am writing to the viewer and not using filler.

     Coming of Age

     Zachary Chock

    Period 2

 


            It was Seven AM. in the morning, and I was just watching YouTube on the computer.  It was a three-day weekend, so I could care less than nothing about the final project due around the corner on Tuesday.  Being only 10 at the time, I was not mature yet, and was still carefree and reckless.  I did not care or even think about my time being used on playing games, or watching television, when I could be studying, or working hard to accomplish major grades and achievements.  At school, I was lonely, and kept to myself.  I was only interested in space, and I isolated myself from friends, teachers, and used speech and words that were high for my understanding.  Others tried to help me as I kept getting horrible grades, and I also got very angry at my parents, even though I followed all of their advice to not make bad decisions such as giving into violence, drinking or trying any drug.  My parents were kind, loving, and cared greatly about me, skipping some events, or doing things to spend time with me.  My Dad was strong, had a silent personality, and taught me how to stand up to others and be tough, but he never got angry at us, unless it was from grades.  However, Mom was different, never mad, always kind, taught us in the ways of God, which was probably why she was so docile.  In any case, even as kind as they were to me, I turned down all of their attempts to get me an after - school program or a Tutorial supervisor that would study with me and teach me in the subjects that I was dropping in.  I never did any of that or wanted to, but when it came to school and discipline, I was a problem child.  I still got angry, acted out against them, and caused a lot of anger among my superiors.
            There was a project due, and I was simply searching for funny internet videos and information to read.  My parents woke, however, when I played an Alternative Rock song too loud on the speakers.  My Father came into my room, tired and sleepy with rings under his eyes, and he looked annoyed.  “Son, what are you doing?  Don’t you have a project due this weekend?”  I just looked at the computer screen, having switched to a video of someone playing Halo 3.  “HEY!” Dad really was trying to get my attention.  “Do you want to rush again, getting C’s and ‘Meet’ grades?  Your Mom and I are trying to help you!” he stated.  I finally paid attention and spoke to my father.  “Yeah, I care.  But I have all of the time since the weekend is three days, so I can do it on Monday” I stared blankly after I said that.  He scoffed, and my Mother came in, woken from the rock music..  “Hi Mom” I said, sounding more as if I was just repeating it like it was routine.  “Zach” She replied slowly.  “You know we care about you and are trying to help you as much as we can, so please, can you just listen to us?  We’re trying to help you get A’s – aren’t you sacred about your grade?  It’s on the borderline of a D and C.”  Eventually, I looked at both of them, and I stood, just staring at them.  “Fine.  Whatever”  I didn’t care.  I just wanted to have fun.  I wasted time purposely just messing with the materials needed to build the project, since I didn't want to do it anyway.  They left me, trusting that I would complete my mission.  However, during the three hours I spent unfocused, I was constantly reminded that Monday was speeding towards me, and very fast.
            I got to ‘work’, trying to do the first part of my poster board, to type up the summary on what had happened to the Hawaiian Monarchy.  It had been assigned by the teacher a while ago, and I had gotten but nowhere.  The Keyboard made clacks and clicked, each key springing back as I typed with anger.  I didn’t feel like spending precious time doing something I was required, but to do something that made me happy and careless, like spending countless hours video-gaming, or to vegetate on the couch, watching a funny cartoon until I had fallen asleep by the next morning.  There seemed to be so much to do, it looked overwhelming and seemed to grow when I looked back at the criteria, and appeared that it would take up to Tuesday to complete, but I didn’t want to even try.  Since my parents were gone, I opened up the web browser, and I searched a video related to Halo.  As I watched the video play on the screen, I forgot about the homework and the time wasted away by not working on the project.  The shadows of the trees and the computer arched as eight hours passed me by, leaving me forever.  Those were eight hours I could have finished my project in, but I didn't care anymore.  I never kept track of time, and because of all the gunshot noises made by the game, I was too consumed to notice that my parents’ work had ended, and they had come home and were already inside the house.  My Mom had been standing behind me for a few moments.  She tapped my shoulder, and I turned.  I felt frozen, the cold chill of my blood causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand erect.  “Hi mom” my voice whittled to a whisper.  She didn’t say anything, but kept a tired, cold expression as she opened my word document to see my project progress.  “Son, you didn’t even make it past the second paragraph” she said.  I could feel the disappointment in her whisper of a voice.  “Do you still care?” she turned to look at me.  I felt her brown eyes stabbing into my heart like daggers, the dark hole in her eyes were empty, and I saw the sadness and irritation pooling in her emotionless eyes.  I felt scared, so I could only nod.  She began to leave, and finally turned as she left me to drown in my guilt.  “If you don’t care, that’s fine – Your father and I try to help you so much, and you turn it down with no effort” she looked sad.  I actually felt guilty and cared then, out of all the times that I spent deflecting their glares and anger.  “You can fail if you want to do so” Her upbeat happy personality replaced by an sad, empty shell of what she always was.  She left me alone with the video continuing to play.  I didn’t even notice it was on – I had been to focused by what my Mom had said, that I had begun to change.
            Eventually, the final day came, and even after my confrontation with Mom in the bedroom about my progress, I had acted like I cared, and when my Dad asked of the same, I could only feel the guilt and shame wrenching my insides.  The noise the clock made was threatening.

Tick…

Tick…

Tick…

Time seemed to pass by more than twice as fast – I glared at the clock with swollen, red eyes.

It read 9:00 PM.

I realized that only three hours remained until the dreadful day of reckoning had consumed me and my project.  I began a frantic haste, rushing and making mistakes, spilling glue as I frantically tried to paste the images onto the board.  I hadn’t even gotten halfway to the finishing touch and now it was too late as the clock struck 10:00. PM.  I was tired, and I was now up to my neck in regret of not heeding my parent’s advice.  My sister was asleep not too far away.  Slowly, I began to cry.  I didn’t take my chance, and I was paying the full price for my decisions.  It was then my Dad came into the room and knelt next to me.  “Son, do you see what procrastination has done?” I nodded, and he helped me up.  “Do you really want to try now?” He finished.  At last, I caved in, and replied.  “Yes.  I promise!” and with that, we began to work.  He helped me fix the crooked pictures, pasted to the board.  While he was at that, Mom came and told me she cared.  "Now, let's take a look at the document" she soothed.  I followed Mom to the computer, and with renewed vigor, I revamped my summary with her help in only half an hour.  Time seemed to transition from fast to slow as the progress moved along, and the pieces of my poster board began to assemble.  This was the most serious I was than at any of my school life.  I understood, and I was ready to make the transition.
          I finally finished the project.  The poster was a bit rushed, so I received a "Meets" or 'B' on my poster. This was my wake up call.  It was time to upgrade - I wasn't a kid anymore.  I had to be ready for the real world.  A little while after that day, I changed Behaviorally, and Psychologically.  I listened to my parents more, I stopped throwing fits, yelling, and causing trouble.  I began to get serious, dedicating more time to studying, reading, and being active to acquire a better lifestyle and status.  My grades rose, reaching A's and B's, a giant leap from the 'C' student that I had always seen myself to be.  The main problem was that I didn't want to change - but from that day, I decided to mature, and act more like my age, to be a teenager and take responsibility of my life.  Then, I found I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which was why I was socially unkempt, and used 'big phrases'.  It was something I had to overcome, so with my changing from child to teen, I worked on being more social, seeking help with my subjects, and caring more than ever now that I was concerned about my future, and how I had changed over the four years in personality socially, and physically.

In my coming of age essay, I was able to show my personality and how it had developed over time, and I truly put into my writing humanity, such as in the first paragraph where I talk about how I feel about myself, and how I feel about school and my decisions that I make, and then I increased the amount of focus on how I really felt in my second paragraph, as being disgusted with work and my rebellion against their advice, so that the reader could see what I felt and went through, and how the person I am writing about is Me, and that they can feel my emotions.  In the end, I write how I am able to finally overcome my rebellion, and focus on what mattered to me at the moment.

 

Writing position statement essay

     In my opinion, I believe that the government is in the fault of not warning tourists that there are dangers and discrepancies on the trail or excursion.  Although, both sides are at fault for not complying with the rules and warnings, or putting warnings and advisories to prevent such disasters.

     The people, tourists, are at fault for not using common sense, among many of the deceased are people who fail to notice the signs for the danger possible.  They have taken risks by avoiding the signs and walking directly or close to the area of warning.  Most of these faults are accidents, but the fatalities are caused by clumsiness of people, and their neglectfulness of the terrain.  

     The Governing system, is to blame as well.  They are able to place signs, boards, and signals to indicate a potential threat to the visitors.  For some, there is warning, but it fails to warn about a second threat or danger, as it only focuses on one, and can be fixed.  The system has also spent money trying to highlight and bring the natural disturbances to light, and have succeeded in informing many about it.  Some, though, take that risk in crossing the line or performing unlawful and deadly stunts.

     Out of all the reasons, there are many leading to the people for being naive about their surroundings.  First, with proper knowledge, they are able to prevent loss of life and financial problems, given the ruling power and system educates about the path or landscape, and the fact that most of them are curious or pay no attention to the area ahead of them.  The government of Hawaii Gives fair warning, but should be able to update the warning boards or to acknowledge any new threats through any park supervisors, as in the case of the loss of two Californians, who were actually encouraged to pass though a loose section of a trail after noticing the sign telling them to avoid the other path due to loose landscape.

     In conclusion, it is actually the governing force's fault for most deaths and lawsuits coming from families of victims.  More so, that they can assign extra security to a position to deal with marauders and fools.  Another way is to routinely suspect and check surrounding ground for any natural protrusions or variables able to cause harm to an unsuspecting man or woman.  They have control of what can inform people, and can improve upon it, while the tourists are simply acting upon the government's lack of numerous and large warnings, or no security guards.

In the Writing Position statement essay, I used voice throughout the essay such as in my first paragraph, where I voiced my opinion on the fault of the government of the casualties caused when they have failed to warn the public about the dangers of the roads and nature side.  Throughout the essay, such as in my second paragraph, I contrast the other reason with my opinion on how our government is working hard to protect the people and place signs up, and this statement contrasts the first argument in the first paragraph, yet voices my feelings for the other side, and ends with what I really feel about the final conclusion and my stance.

Organization

Organization:

The writing is written strongly, begins with a bold lead, and moves very smoothly and strongly throughout the body paragraphs, and is able to finish with a strong, afterwards conclusion that stirs reader's thoughts.

Biking essay:

In the Biking essay, I tried to begin my essay with a strong lead that would capture the reader's attention, beginning with a student's death, and statistics to begin my essay strong and bold, using a thesis statement about the conflicts between bikers and car users on the road in my first paragraph.  Then, in the body of my essay, I used arguments and details from two different sides of the conflict to keep the reader immersed and moving fluidly throughout the essay so the reader would not get lost.

COLLEGE ESSAY:

Final College Essay: 9/25/11

College Essay

Zachary Chock

Period 2

9/25/11

Topic

University of Pugent sound -
C. Explain how your experiences as a teenager significantly differ from those of your friends.  Include comparisons.

            During the beginning of Middle School and my development as a teenager, I was always trying to be different from those around me.  It was my maturity that made me different.  Learning from a certain event, I had decided to stop playing around and be serious to myself and others.  Many teens of my age wanted to just live out their lives and do as much fun as they could.  Looking at that, I wanted to be unique, different, and be able to stand out from others that I knew who acted in a way I found to be "disturbing and inappropriate".  When I looked at my peers and how they acted out against each other, I contrasted them and I and told myself I wouldn't become anything like them.  It was for that reason from there on in Intermediate school that many people thought I was weird, and shy, but I was the only one who thought it was okay and acceptable.  For that, I felt stuck in my own little world.

            While I was growing and maturing, I strayed away from the mainstream group.  I was the odd one out, along with others who were like me and acted similar to how I would be.  The “Mainstream” group, was more of a stereotypical prepubescent reckless and immature group, being what I would describe as “delinquents” as I grew in Middle School.  The students would not listen to the teacher, despite age of approximately 12 – 14, still pass notes, try to text, but to no avail as the teacher would always select the most obvious texting students like a eagle plucking it’s prey.  When noticed, others would ask me why I never talked too much, or participated in little “prank excursions” with everyone else, who followed and pulled stunts and destructive or distracting obstructions on others or uninformed people.  It felt like bandwagon propaganda, in which everyone said, “Hop on!  Be with us!” their temptations were strong, but seeing them get in trouble and make fools of themselves was enough to put me off.

            With realization and self discovery, I lost pieces of my immaturity and strange behavior, and noticed that instead of the other students maturing and reaching levels of higher cognitive thinking with age, they simply grew more immature, setting examples of things I never wanted to become.  The teacher and counselor noticed me as one of the very rarely seen students who obeyed almost everything asked of them, behaved better than most of the students, and did not get any referrals.  I was labeled as a “goody two shoes” by my peers, and left out of their cliques, just confined to the library with the “others” that were silent, or did not have very social experiences and lives.  I found it easy to make friends with those like me and it was okay, but we were all looked at as 'nerds, and bookie tweakers' by the teens who came into the library just to make fun of us, and who were just there to  cause trouble instead of studying.

            To everyone else, I was called the outcast, one of those who were ostracized from school, society, and kept out of the groups and social circles.  I was always there to act like a policeman, governing and watching out for the kids who were teased, and others criticized my actions as I told on and reported on many people for marking walls or stealing equipment, and that was looked down upon as a bad thing.  The students would take their anger out on me, and I was possibly one of the most hated middle school students at the time.  My ‘officer’ behavior caught the attention of many, even adults, and they told me to calm down or to let them handle it.  I disobeyed that, and as I kept telling, I kept making more enemies.  Despite this, I chose not to become immature and act stupid, but stick to how I had always decided to be.

            Eventually, I became more social, and began to shed my shell that kept me from being so shy and reclusive.  I also found I was impaired by a high functioning form of Autism, called Aspergers, and it was because of that, I found it very difficult to be open and social, or make friends, and also caused me to use a lot of complicated words, which everyone found awkward.  I tried hard by the 8^th grade to be more like the students, albeit unlike them, not joining in their activities, just adopting their speech style and talk.  The more I dropped the ‘turtle’ act and 'dropped the shell', the more easier it was to adapt to the student body and create friends out of enemies.  They noticed my change, and they began to accept my viewpoint and diffrences, and treat me less harshly as they realized how immature they had acted and imposed upon others.  Then, others began to act mature, and asked me for help, looking at their mistakes and regretting how they had treated others.  

            Then, I entered High School, which was definitely a whole new world for me.  The students were more mature, had increased seriousness, and stopped acting like they were nine or ten.  I found it easy to blend in, but the only difference was in clothing, talking, and thinking.  I found "common" speech different and weird, whereas I would use "Attire", the others would use "Swag", or as I say "Beckon", they would say "Yo Neff!".  Many of the other students found it weird that I do not dress in "Swagg" as I found it to be thuggish and ugly, where others found my "blank shirts and blank pants", clothing without designs qualified to be "Swagg", weird and untasteful.  Others liked my persona of being nice and offering to help, which made me really good friends with Chad and others like him.  Many of the students were like the others I faced in Elementary and Middle school, except more mature and able to handle situations or understand a person's viewpoint without making fun or leaving someone out.  As the school year swept by in the freshman year, I got adjusted and absorbed a few points of the average high school student.  In the beginning, I was silent as I had always been, but now, I had improved on speech and social skills, and stopped hanging by myself, and would hang out with a group of friends, just like others would do.


In my college essay, I applied Organization as I wrote my first paragraph, where I try to capture the reader's attention with details from my earlier years, so that they want to continue reading.  I made sure that it would be easy to follow as I described how I wanted to avoid doing what was wrong, so the reader would have an easy time and smoothly read through the body paragraph.  My ending was meant to stir some thoughts about me, and so that people would see I was unique and ponder about how I behaved, and look back at my structure and ending.

Trait One: IDEAS

Ideas: My writing introduces new views, information, or knowledge, supported by evident and firm evidence, experiences, research, or complex thought.


Biking Essay:

In the Biking essay, I applied the trait for "Ideas" through my writing as I introduce new knowledge, views and my take on biking issues in Hawaii using information and research in the essay such as in my second paragraph, when I use Zachary Manago's death as an example for the argument saying that we should have a safe area for the road, and support it with other complaints shared by bikers, in the third paragraph.  I introduced the idea in the first paragraph about the deaths and accidents of bikers, just related to car and bike collisions so the reader knows more about the subject.  

Position Essay:

In this essay, I use arguing sides from people who consume soda, and compare that with arguments from health organizations that study the consumption of soda, and explain it in the first paragraph.  I was able to draw new ideas from details and studies done on taxing soda's benefits to the economy, and it's impacts on Americans and obesity in my second paragraph, as I try to explain my new thoughts about how taxing sodas can benefit our economy, while lowering obesity and reducing disease rates caused by high sugar intakes.

Writing Standards Portfolio Year 2 ENGLISH

August 3, 2011.

Introductory Letter - Year 2.

"Hi Mrs. Sueoka,

Over the school year, I have definitely matured and become better at managing my time - also, ever since last year, I have begun to grow more social, as opposed to being shy and somewhat silent during the Freshman year.  As time passed, I learned to be able to take matters into my own hands, as I used to let others do their own part of the project, I try to help and make "backup parts" now, an example being the ECybermission project, where I could have helped one of my teammates for a better and more successful project instead of an unfinished one.  I also began to explore the internet more, because in Middle School, I never used Email to communicate, but now I even use it to talk to others and send documents online.  During the summer, I became more mature, to being serious, and determined to get the task at hand done.  Overall, I have psychologically changed considerably, but I am still in the process of learning and changing.

Zach" 

 As I look back, I see that I have come a long way from the beginning of the year, as well as coming far from what I used to be.  In the past, I had slight difficulty with sentence fluency and organization, but now, I am better and know more in those categories for future assignments.  I tried hard to make sure I was up to date with everything we were being taught, and I did fulfill my idea to work ahead, to make sure that I had a backup, in case anything had happened to our group.  Now, I use Email more than ever, to ask the teacher questions, my fellow students for help and direction, and to communicate back and forth.
- Z

Angry letter Draft # 2

Angry Letter

Zachary Chock

1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014
408.996.1010

Dear Apple,

I have been using your products for a good portion of my life – The IMac, IPod, Macbook, and all of these worked and performed like I had hoped for them to work.  The technology is great, but there are some compatibility problems between older and newer versions of the software that I think you should have fixed a long time ago.  For example, I think there should be an application to work with Windows or PC items on a Mac without any conversion errors.

On the contraire, the items and products are very “repetitive” when they are released.  Apple updates the Applications for functioning platforms continuously, and each time, they are more expensive, or have many features taken out.  Several “add - ons” and new releases of a product are the same as the previous version with features excluded that were in the previous version which made me choose it, or very little changes done to the features.  In the latest release of Final Cut Pro, Final Cut Pro X, the application was not compatible with the older versions of final cut, or had many of the features, or functions of final cut that everyone and I loved about FCP.  To sell that item with missing and incompatible features for $US 300 is not very effective for the company if you want to sell more items.  I know you may be calling it revolutionary, but I think it is just the same thing with a new gadget or device slapped on it. 

Also, I found it to be annoying that when I buy a new Mac, or IPod, another machine seems to come out yearly or every few months, similar to Samsung or Sprint.  If anything, there should be a service that exchanges the former device with the newest release to date.  When I am enjoying an iPod, iPad, or Mac, I dislike finding out that you have released an all new version of the item and I have to pay more for it just because of a few features that I may not use.  Besides that, I think the majority of the products, and service compatibility are fine.

Sincerely,

Zachary Chock

Angry Letter Draft #1

Angry Letter

Draft #1

Zachary Chock

1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014
408.996.1010

Dear Apple,

I have been using your products for a good portion of my life – The IMac, IPod, Macbook, and all of these function as I hoped each to function as they were advertised.

On the Contraire, the items and products are very repetitive when they are released.  You update the Applications for your platforms a lot, and each time, they are more expensive, or have features taken out.  Many updates and new releases of a product are the same as the previous version with features excluded that were in the previous version, and very little changes made to the features.  In the latest release of Final Cut Pro, Final Cut Pro X, the application was not compatible with the older versions of final cut, or had many of the features, or functions of final cut that everyone and I loved about FCP.  To sell that item with missing and incompatible features for $US 300 is not fair.  I know you may be calling it revolutionary, but I think it is just the same thing with a new gadget or device slapped on it. 

Also, I found it to be annoying that when I buy a new Mac, or IPod, another machine seems to come out yearly or every few months.  If anything, there should be a service that exchanges the former device with the newest release to date.  Besides that, I think the products, service, and compatibility are fine.  I do not have any argument for the customer service.

Sincerely,

Zachary Chock

Bullies: Should we make courses for them?

Risky Business Essay - Bullying: Should the Government create courses for it? Zachary Chock Period 2 11/7/11 The government should create classes and sessions to counsel and help stop bullying. With people being plagued by the individuals known as “bullies” everyday, people urge the governing system to do something about the issue, as not much is being done to fully address the issue. However, there are people who claim that the government has already done enough to resolve and help the issue. I am on the Pro side, arguing we can do more to fund and produce "Bully awareness" classes. The first argument complains that our government is not doing enough to address and combat the issue about bullying. There are many programs the government has made to combat bullies, but so far, there are very little to no school courses, classes, or sessions held in education departments, to talk about the dangers of bullying. In one case on October 17 2009, a teenager, Tyler Long, was bullied until he was sent over the edge, and hung himself. There was no law or bill for education of these school bullies being passed around, so no one was able to Strangely, the school officials failed to recognize or acknowledge any form of the bullying in process, and disturbingly, his suicide was mocked and openly made fun of in classrooms, without any action being taken to stop mockery and disrespect. The bullies who pushed Tyler over the edge as well as those who mocked him were not pulled over or consoled, educated, or taught to stop the bullying, and neither did the government or school step in on any of the action. Now, when caught, the tormentor can be subjected to detention to learn and put an end to their bad behavior. Since then, School officials now talk with bullies to find out motives and reasons the individual has for their actions, and how they can repent on it. On the other side, there are the people who counteract with the idea that everything in our power has already been done to help the efforts of the anti- bullying activities. The government has started enacting warnings for schools to detain and help console, or have therapy with bullies, to combat the issue and rehabilitate the bully to stop their course of action. Government statistics reveal that one of three students are bullied in Middle and High schools now, affecting overall mental health, success in school, and being able to be around others with trust. 
The action is hoping that by installing courses and classes to educate about bullying and putting a stop to it, to bullies, will alter the bullies' motives and hopefully end their idea to pick on smaller targets and end their bully spree. People say that the government does not need to create classes, but the PSA’s and court rulings are enough to dissuade others to not join bullies. Without Classes, Society would possibly have a rise in the amount of bullies and school issues involving harassment. In conclusion, The Government should be holding classes and mandatory lectures to encourage the stop of bullying. The programs and laws are active, but starting where the problem begins, in the schools, is where classes and courses should be held to combat and educate early on in children's lives, so they will not be encouraged to enact bullying. With Media and various other commercials appearing to encourage Human rights, we should be promoting in - school education for Bullying as well.

• http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200607/cmselect/

cmeduski/600/600.pdf, Date accessed, 11/8/11, PDF FILE, House of Commons Education and Skills Committee.

• "What Is Bullying? | StopBullying.gov." Home | StopBullying.gov. U.S Government. Web. 09 Nov.

2011. <ht
tp://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/what_is_bullying/index.html>.

• Warr, Suzanne. "How Kidscape Courses Help Children Beat the B

ullies | Society | Guardian.co.uk." Latest News, Sport and Comment from the Guardian | The Guardian. Guardian, 23 Sept. 2011. Web. 09 Nov. 2011. <http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/sep/23/bullying-children- kidscape-courses>
.

Bullying essay Draft # 2

The government should create classes and sessions to counsel and help stop bullying.  With people being plagued by the individuals known as “bullies” everyday, people urge the governing system to do something about the issue, as not much is being done to fully address the issue.  However, there are people who claim that the government has already done enough to resolve and help the issue.  I stand on the side of the argument complaining that the government should do something about the issue, opposing the side saying the government has done enough.
The first argument complains that our government is not doing enough to address and combat the issue about bullying.  Although many programs exist, such as anti bullying programs, websites,  and flyers to educate about the issue and what can be done to stop the bullying, there is little action being taken by the governing system when the bully is caught and detained.  In one case on October 17 2009, a teenager, Tyler Long, was bullied until he was sent over the edge, and hung himself.  Strangely, the school officials failed to recognize or acknowledge any form of the bullying in process, and disturbingly, his suicide was mocked and openly made fun of in classrooms, without any action being taken to stop mockery and disrespect.  The bullies who pushed Tyler over the edge as well as those who mocked him were not pulled over or consoled, educated, or taught to stop the bullying, and neither did the government or school step in on any of the action.
On the other side, there are the people who counteract with the idea that everything in our power has already been done to help the efforts of the anti-bullying activities.  The government has started enacting warnings for schools to detain and help console, or have therapy with bullies, to combat the issue and rehabilitate the bully to stop their course of action.  Government statistics reveal that one of three students are bullied in Middle and High schools now, affecting overall mental health, success in school, and being able to be around others with trust.
In conclusion, I stand on the side that says there is not enough being done to prevent bullying in today’s schools.  The government may be taking action and preventive measures, but there are still people who push others into mental breakdown, and to the verge of suicide, while people say that there is nothing else that can be done about the events that unfold during a bully’s rampage.

Risky business (Draft - Z)

(Draft) Bullying – what should be done about it?

Zachary Chock

Period 2

The government should create classes and sessions to counsel and help stop bullying.  With people being plagued by the individuals known as “bullies” everyday, people urge the governing system to do something about the issue, as not much is being done to fully address the issue.  However, there are people who claim that the government has already done enough to resolve and help the issue.  I stand on the side of the argument complaining that the government should do something about the issue, opposing the side saying the government has done enough.

The first argument complains that our government is not doing enough to address and combat the issue about bullying.  Although many programs exist, such as anti bullying programs, websites,  and flyers to educate about the issue and what can be done to stop the bullying, there is little action being taken by the governing system when the bully is caught and detained.  In one case on October 17 2009, a teenager, Tyler Long, was bullied until he was sent over the edge, and hung himself.  Strangely, the school officials failed to recognize or acknowledge any form of the bullying in process, and disturbingly, his suicide was mocked and openly made fun of in classrooms, without any action being taken to stop mockery and disrespect.  The law or state did not call action at any time to intervene with the bullying, and the only action was taken when Tyler’s parents sued the school for failure to do anything when their son was being picked on, or stopping the students from making fun of his death.

On the other side, there are the people who counteract with the idea that everything in our power has already been done to help the efforts of the anti-bullying activities.  Government statistics reveal that one of three students are bullied in Middle and High schools now, affecting overall mental health, success in school, and being able to be around others with trust.  The DOE has recently issued a warning to avoid neglecting bullied students, in a effort to stop suicides and deaths among gays, lesbians, and racially discriminated students in schools

Studies show that up to 57% of students have witnessed people bullying others, and 15% are absent, in the fear of being bullied, while 90% of 4^th – 8^th graders have been bullied in our schools.  In Hawaii, one fifth of students are victims of bullying, having been at 18% in three years of 2000 through 2003.

In conclusion, I stand on the side that says there is not enough being done to prevent bullying in today’s schools.  The government may be taking action and preventive measures, but there are still people who push others into mental breakdown, and to the verge of suicide, while people say that there is nothing else that can be done about the events that unfold during a bully’s rampage.

Bibliography/Sources:

• http://abcnews.go.com/2020/TheLaw/school-bullying-epidemic-turning-deadly/story?id=11880841

• http://articles.cnn.com/2010-10-26/us/schools.bullying.discrimination_1_civil-rights-federal-law-harassment-cases?_s=PM:US

• http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2011-03-10-bullying10_ST_N.htm

• http://www.makebeatsnotbeatdowns.org/facts_new.html

• http://www.honolulumagazine.com/Honolulu-Magazine/May-2007/Bullied/

Final College Essay: 9/25/11

College Essay

Zachary Chock

Period 2

9/25/11

Topic

University of Pugent sound -
C. Explain how your experiences as a teenager significantly differ from those of your friends.  Include comparisons.

            During the beginning of Middle School and my development as a teenager, I was always trying to be different from those around me.  It was my maturity that made me different.  Learning from a certain event, I had decided to stop playing around and be serious to myself and others.  Many teens of my age wanted to just live out their lives and do as much fun as they could.  Looking at that, I wanted to be unique, different, and be able to stand out from others that I knew who acted in a way I found to be "disturbing and inappropriate".  When I looked at my peers and how they acted out against each other, I contrasted them and I and told myself I wouldn't become anything like them.  It was for that reason from there on in Intermediate school that many people thought I was weird, and shy, but I was the only one who thought it was okay and acceptable.  For that, I felt stuck in my own little world.

            While I was growing and maturing, I strayed away from the mainstream group.  I was the odd one out, along with others who were like me and acted similar to how I would be.  The “Mainstream” group, was more of a stereotypical prepubescent reckless and immature group, being what I would describe as “delinquents” as I grew in Middle School.  The students would not listen to the teacher, despite age of approximately 12 – 14, still pass notes, try to text, but to no avail as the teacher would always select the most obvious texting students like a eagle plucking it’s prey.  When noticed, others would ask me why I never talked too much, or participated in little “prank excursions” with everyone else, who followed and pulled stunts and destructive or distracting obstructions on others or uninformed people.  It felt like bandwagon propaganda, in which everyone said, “Hop on!  Be with us!” their temptations were strong, but seeing them get in trouble and make fools of themselves was enough to put me off.

            With realization and self discovery, I lost pieces of my immaturity and strange behavior, and noticed that instead of the other students maturing and reaching levels of higher cognitive thinking with age, they simply grew more immature, setting examples of things I never wanted to become.  The teacher and counselor noticed me as one of the very rarely seen students who obeyed almost everything asked of them, behaved better than most of the students, and did not get any referrals.  I was labeled as a “goody two shoes” by my peers, and left out of their cliques, just confined to the library with the “others” that were silent, or did not have very social experiences and lives.  I found it easy to make friends with those like me and it was okay, but we were all looked at as 'nerds, and bookie tweakers' by the teens who came into the library just to make fun of us, and who were just there to  cause trouble instead of studying.

            To everyone else, I was called the outcast, one of those who were ostracized from school, society, and kept out of the groups and social circles.  I was always there to act like a policeman, governing and watching out for the kids who were teased, and others criticized my actions as I told on and reported on many people for marking walls or stealing equipment, and that was looked down upon as a bad thing.  The students would take their anger out on me, and I was possibly one of the most hated middle school students at the time.  My ‘officer’ behavior caught the attention of many, even adults, and they told me to calm down or to let them handle it.  I disobeyed that, and as I kept telling, I kept making more enemies.  Despite this, I chose not to become immature and act stupid, but stick to how I had always decided to be.

            Eventually, I became more social, and began to shed my shell that kept me from being so shy and reclusive.  I also found I was impaired by a high functioning form of Autism, called Aspergers, and it was because of that, I found it very difficult to be open and social, or make friends, and also caused me to use a lot of complicated words, which everyone found awkward.  I tried hard by the 8^th grade to be more like the students, albeit unlike them, not joining in their activities, just adopting their speech style and talk.  The more I dropped the ‘turtle’ act and 'dropped the shell', the more easier it was to adapt to the student body and create friends out of enemies.  They noticed my change, and they began to accept my viewpoint and diffrences, and treat me less harshly as they realized how immature they had acted and imposed upon others.  Then, others began to act mature, and asked me for help, looking at their mistakes and regretting how they had treated others.  

            Then, I entered High School, which was definitely a whole new world for me.  The students were more mature, had increased seriousness, and stopped acting like they were nine or ten.  I found it easy to blend in, but the only difference was in clothing, talking, and thinking.  I found "common" speech different and weird, whereas I would use "Attire", the others would use "Swag", or as I say "Beckon", they would say "Yo Neff!".  Many of the other students found it weird that I do not dress in "Swagg" as I found it to be thuggish and ugly, where others found my "blank shirts and blank pants", clothing without designs qualified to be "Swagg", weird and untasteful.  Others liked my persona of being nice and offering to help, which made me really good friends with Chad and others like him.  Many of the students were like the others I faced in Elementary and Middle school, except more mature and able to handle situations or understand a person's viewpoint without making fun or leaving someone out.  As the school year swept by in the freshman year, I got adjusted and absorbed a few points of the average high school student.  In the beginning, I was silent as I had always been, but now, I had improved on speech and social skills, and stopped hanging by myself, and would hang out with a group of friends, just like others would do.